Vanity of Vanities

Paying my dues by working sundays sucks. No other way to say it haha– i have missed most of august, and will miss almost all of september sundays, sigh. I miss my church family and was so glad that i could spend some time with them and just see how EC is beginning to take shape and form. God is working in VA and i feel privileged to see it begin to unfold.

Yet because of the mess of my schedule, on the bright side, i have been able to listen to lots of sermons on my commute. I’m a huge Matt Chandler fan and dug into the archived stuff (http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/sermons) and started the Ecclesiastes series. I chose these series because  lately, the theme of vanity of vanities has been resonating in my soul (if you couldn’t tell from some of my older short stories haha).

To sum up, Solomon states that everything under the sun is meaningless. Partying, extravagance two things he had much more than we can ever imagine ended up becoming predictable, unsatisfying, and in the end meaningless. So he moves on to building, building his home, creating forrests, gardens, using his hands, and in the end this too is meaningless. All of it will crumble and fade with time. All things will be passed onwards and nothing will remain. Enjoying his wealth, sex with this 700 wives, being educated, all things he not only did, but did in a way so much bigger than we can imagine was all meaningless. Why? because we die. Even if i had it all, i will die and have no control over it after that. But even in life, it is still meaningless because if i should have all the things this world can offer me, then in that completion of materials there is despair. There is no more purpose if all things are now mine. We are minutes, seconds, closer to death. We are not guaranteed 80 years of life with a warm bed and family around use as we close our eyes for the last time in peaceful slumber.

Honestly, we are more liekly to die in a cold hospital, where no one knows your name, that all traces of your individual identity are stripped as you wear a uniform gown, socks, and lie in starch white bed. The only thing that verifies you as a person who exists is a wrist band with a barcode. Not only that, but there are many middle aged, young people in our hospital who suddenly die, who suddenly have stage 4 cancer, who suddenly develop an allergic anaphylaxis and die.

I know the churchy answer to all of this is to love jesus, which i have no intention of contending over- but how do i reconcile that my heart over the last year has been in despair? What is the point of all of this? was the honest question in my heart. If most of us live and die running in and out of metros, cars, cubicles, and houses, if each day resembles the next, what is the point of waking up to live a faded shadow of that which had already passed and already mediocre in every way? These thoughts led me to ecclesiastes.

In going through the series, M. Chandler says something like (pardon the paraphrase) as we begin to see the meaningless of everything under the sun, we develop a sixth sense: faith. Faith to see beyond the sun. This really struck a good chord in me. To see the vanity of life on earth is to be homesick for his kingdom, is to be looking toward what is beyond what this earth can give. Instead of feeling sad and lost for thinking this way, i can start seeingthe beauty of such morbid thoughts and felt hopeful for what is to come. That out of despair for the lostness of everything, there is a hope and dare i say, joy, for the full restoration of meaning in life.

So with that, my prayer and ambition is to pursue a greater faith. Pursue God to find meaning in an otherwise meaningless life.  A.W. Tozer quotes Richard Rolle, who puts the process of this pursuit like this–

” whenever the heart begins to burn with a desire for God, she is made able to receive the uncreated light and inspired and fulfilled by the gifts of the Holy Ghost, she tastes the joys of heaven. She transcends all visible things and is raised to the sweetness of eternal life. . . Herin truly is perfect love; when all intent of the mind, all the secret working of the heart, is lifted up into the love of God.”

This is what i long for.

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